2008 Woodie Awards
Minus the City
Liberal Arts Between the Sheets
Erin Bergman & Kimmy Cunningham
Issue date: 1/24/08 Section: Commentary
Welcome back, all you sexy students. As some of you may know, this is our last semester at Colgate, and we've decided to go completely balls to the wall. We know, we know, we may have played it safe last semester. We tried to be educational. We tried to promote awareness. We made a valiant effort to uphold the true standards of journalism. Well, folks, that brief period of decency in our lives is over. In order to maintain our vow of devotion to sex in all of its various forms, we've decided to integrate the classroom and the bedroom (NOTE: We are not advocating that you sleep with your professors). In the name of the new semester, we'd like to demonstrate how the knowledge you gain up the hill can be applied between the sheets.
So let's move through the subjects.
Math's pretty basic. In the words of MTV's 2gether, "I know my calculus. You plus me equals us." This is a pretty basic equation, but if you're looking for a new vector, here are some variations to try: You plus me plus Karen (or Tommy, or Men's Hockey), you plus me plus vibrator, plus me plus afternoon delight, you plus me equals 69. But remember, you plus me minus condom equals multiplication (or crabs). And if calculus isn't your bag of tricks, you can always try geometry. Grab a partner and apply that mathematical thinking to create some new positions. Parallelogram anyone?
And speaking of positions, let's move on to history. The Karma Sutra is historical, no? This 36-chapter book has been used since the days of ancient India. It was written in Sanskrit for sex sake! Here's a little preview of the material you can find in this book of wonders: "The Milch Cow: She bends well forward and grips the bedstead, her buttocks raised high; cup your hands to serpents' hoods and squeeze her jar-shaped breasts together." Need we say more?
The Kama Sutra is also the perfect tool for Drama majors. Use your deep, booming voice or your commanding presence to tackle various characters in the form of role-playing. In fact, if you're truly uninhibited, you can even perform on camera. This way, you always have a sexy souvenir from, "Debbie does Drake."
So let's move through the subjects.
Math's pretty basic. In the words of MTV's 2gether, "I know my calculus. You plus me equals us." This is a pretty basic equation, but if you're looking for a new vector, here are some variations to try: You plus me plus Karen (or Tommy, or Men's Hockey), you plus me plus vibrator, plus me plus afternoon delight, you plus me equals 69. But remember, you plus me minus condom equals multiplication (or crabs). And if calculus isn't your bag of tricks, you can always try geometry. Grab a partner and apply that mathematical thinking to create some new positions. Parallelogram anyone?
And speaking of positions, let's move on to history. The Karma Sutra is historical, no? This 36-chapter book has been used since the days of ancient India. It was written in Sanskrit for sex sake! Here's a little preview of the material you can find in this book of wonders: "The Milch Cow: She bends well forward and grips the bedstead, her buttocks raised high; cup your hands to serpents' hoods and squeeze her jar-shaped breasts together." Need we say more?
The Kama Sutra is also the perfect tool for Drama majors. Use your deep, booming voice or your commanding presence to tackle various characters in the form of role-playing. In fact, if you're truly uninhibited, you can even perform on camera. This way, you always have a sexy souvenir from, "Debbie does Drake."
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