2008 Woodie Awards
Minus The City
Elisa Benson
Issue date: 9/9/05 Section: Commentary
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Dating back to the dawn of the orgasm, people have been obsessed with talking about sex. Discussions of the dirty deed are everywhere, from middle school football team locker rooms to Yahoo chatrooms to Frank Dining Hall during brunch. Especially Frank Dining Hall during brunch.
I've never watched other people having sex in real life. (Actually there was one time but that was an accident). I have, however, engaged in a fair number of sex-scussions with my buddies and several of my female friends admit that their bedroom play is like tame porn on mute, save for a few short-lived moans or the obligatory "yes yes yes."
You can yes-yes-yes all you want, but you'll never have good sex unless you learn to open your mouth. Vocal chords are the new genitalia. Silent sex should be reserved for extreme cases only, like when you're hooking up on the top bunk and your roommate is sleeping below (just kidding, that's nasty). So what if the walls are thin? That's why Ipods come with headphones.
Of course, turning up the volume on your bedtime stories isn't just about reenacting the Meg Ryan diner scene or competing with the porn that accompanied your foreplay. Communicating during sex ensures that both you and your partner are mutually satisfied; it's required if you're attempting the elusive simultaneous orgasm; and it makes the whole thing a lot more fun. Your partner won't know where and how to touch you unless you say the words, and there's no chance the maneuver will be repeated (or that your orgasm will) if you don't express your post-deed gratification with details.
Start small. "Cock" might be too big to handle when losing your sex-speak virginity, so for your first time take it easy on the nouns. Instead, imagine your body as open road and your mouth as the GPS: use directions to articulate specific requests, such as "a little to the left," "push up" or "move your leg behind your head."
Once the appendages are properly situated, offer instructions regarding speed ("faster") or movement ("slide it up and down"). Unless you make unconventional suggestions without first clearing them with your bed buddy (such as, "Now tie me up"), your partner will be happy to fulfill your requests and pleased that the pressure to think up an inventive next move has been eliminated. When you're not in the driver's seat, maintain the same degree of verbal expression. Tell your lover how much you enjoy doing the things you're doing (you should love them, of course, or why are you doing them?)
In the early '90s, a small college in Ohio instituted a strict sexual consent policy that forced couples to express their activities in words. To proceed at each step of the hookup, partners had to clearly state their intension, i.e., "Can I unbutton your pants?" and receive a "yes" in return. Any act in which these questions were not answered in the afirmative was considered nonconsensual.
The media had a heyday, arguing that sexual desire was not something that required verbal expression. Why use words when you have The Heat of the Moment? Despite the criticism, students, mainly female, reported reaching new sexual peaks. They were forced to develop new vocabulary to express themselves sexually. In the end, speaking about sex made it more pleasurable, more exciting.
Sounds like it gave them something to talk about.
I've never watched other people having sex in real life. (Actually there was one time but that was an accident). I have, however, engaged in a fair number of sex-scussions with my buddies and several of my female friends admit that their bedroom play is like tame porn on mute, save for a few short-lived moans or the obligatory "yes yes yes."
You can yes-yes-yes all you want, but you'll never have good sex unless you learn to open your mouth. Vocal chords are the new genitalia. Silent sex should be reserved for extreme cases only, like when you're hooking up on the top bunk and your roommate is sleeping below (just kidding, that's nasty). So what if the walls are thin? That's why Ipods come with headphones.
Of course, turning up the volume on your bedtime stories isn't just about reenacting the Meg Ryan diner scene or competing with the porn that accompanied your foreplay. Communicating during sex ensures that both you and your partner are mutually satisfied; it's required if you're attempting the elusive simultaneous orgasm; and it makes the whole thing a lot more fun. Your partner won't know where and how to touch you unless you say the words, and there's no chance the maneuver will be repeated (or that your orgasm will) if you don't express your post-deed gratification with details.
Start small. "Cock" might be too big to handle when losing your sex-speak virginity, so for your first time take it easy on the nouns. Instead, imagine your body as open road and your mouth as the GPS: use directions to articulate specific requests, such as "a little to the left," "push up" or "move your leg behind your head."
Once the appendages are properly situated, offer instructions regarding speed ("faster") or movement ("slide it up and down"). Unless you make unconventional suggestions without first clearing them with your bed buddy (such as, "Now tie me up"), your partner will be happy to fulfill your requests and pleased that the pressure to think up an inventive next move has been eliminated. When you're not in the driver's seat, maintain the same degree of verbal expression. Tell your lover how much you enjoy doing the things you're doing (you should love them, of course, or why are you doing them?)
In the early '90s, a small college in Ohio instituted a strict sexual consent policy that forced couples to express their activities in words. To proceed at each step of the hookup, partners had to clearly state their intension, i.e., "Can I unbutton your pants?" and receive a "yes" in return. Any act in which these questions were not answered in the afirmative was considered nonconsensual.
The media had a heyday, arguing that sexual desire was not something that required verbal expression. Why use words when you have The Heat of the Moment? Despite the criticism, students, mainly female, reported reaching new sexual peaks. They were forced to develop new vocabulary to express themselves sexually. In the end, speaking about sex made it more pleasurable, more exciting.
Sounds like it gave them something to talk about.