2008 Woodie Awards
Reckless Rhetoric
Matt Oja
Issue date: 4/22/05 Section: Commentary
So, this is it? Here I am facing a fifteen-minute presentation for my South African Contemporary Fiction class, a re-write of my 20-page term paper on the similarities between Stalinism and Hannah Arendt's ideal type of totalitarianism and a (first attempt at a) term paper on Mughal India ... and thinking that I should write a witty, vacuous, 900 word piece before my Maroon-News deadline on Wednesday afternoon. Really don't have the time to do anything longer or unveil my 1500-word treatise on why DKE is the best and the administration is the worst (like the fifth time I've put off finishing that column). Though I'd love to compose something that seamlessly - or even sloppily - mixes my cynical witticisms with a fairly serious topic, I've not had much success with that experiment in the past, and I'm really pressed for time. I can't spend more than 20 minutes on this piece.
200 person brawls at Colgate-affiliated buildings between 2001 and 2005: one. 200 person brawls at Greek houses in that timespan: none. So, I suppose all returning Colgaters DO have something to look forward to in coming years. Yeah, the social scene at this school has become pathetic, but we always will have the option of inviting our friends from Morrisville to come party and fight with us. Colgate's administration seems to foster an environment very conducive to such behaviors. Great job, guys. I'd be REAL comfortable with you folks owning my frat house (if I had a frat house). Coming soon: the lower ten percent trashes frat row on Colgate's watch. Great times!
But then tonight, as my procrastination took the form of reading last week's MN commentary section (ya know, to see if any readers responded to my writings in irate fashion), something caught my eye. Two somethings, actually. This column I'm sending in is for the State of the 'Gate issue. The year's over. And this isn't just any year ... this is 2005 ... I came up with the Class of 2005. As I was recovering from the shock of this, I stumbled across the Steven Fair commentary piece. Seemed familiar ... hey, when I have nothing to complain about (VERY rare), I resort to writing quasi-sappy pieces about how Colgate is the most incredible place on earth. Reading Weezy's latest creation was just further reinforcement of this belief.
200 person brawls at Colgate-affiliated buildings between 2001 and 2005: one. 200 person brawls at Greek houses in that timespan: none. So, I suppose all returning Colgaters DO have something to look forward to in coming years. Yeah, the social scene at this school has become pathetic, but we always will have the option of inviting our friends from Morrisville to come party and fight with us. Colgate's administration seems to foster an environment very conducive to such behaviors. Great job, guys. I'd be REAL comfortable with you folks owning my frat house (if I had a frat house). Coming soon: the lower ten percent trashes frat row on Colgate's watch. Great times!
But then tonight, as my procrastination took the form of reading last week's MN commentary section (ya know, to see if any readers responded to my writings in irate fashion), something caught my eye. Two somethings, actually. This column I'm sending in is for the State of the 'Gate issue. The year's over. And this isn't just any year ... this is 2005 ... I came up with the Class of 2005. As I was recovering from the shock of this, I stumbled across the Steven Fair commentary piece. Seemed familiar ... hey, when I have nothing to complain about (VERY rare), I resort to writing quasi-sappy pieces about how Colgate is the most incredible place on earth. Reading Weezy's latest creation was just further reinforcement of this belief.