2008 Woodie Awards
Minus the City
Elisa Benson
Issue date: 1/21/05 Section: Commentary
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Saturday night. Guess where. Snoop is grunting "Drop it like it's Hot" and a guy friend of mine is executing some variation of grinding with our shared friend Molly. Ten minutes later - and a good hour and a half before last call I might add - they're at her place making out on the kitchen table.
"Come back to my room," he's whispering in her ear, which every Colgate girl knows is code for "let me throw it in you." She responds by glancing up at him with a flirty smile, but doesn't agree. "Come on, I'll drive you home tomorrow," he says. "I'll buy you breakfast."
The offers continue for another few minutes and grow increasingly generous. They never hooked up, but the kitchen-side canoodling resulted in plans for a dinner date. They spent Sunday evening eating salmon at the Tap Room and talking about elementary school, mutual friends, and what they want to be when they grow up.
That a drunken Colgate spit swap ended not with a walk of shame but with a legit date is almost as strange as the notion that, apparently, upstanding Colgate students are now bribing others into sharing their sheets. Is the new going rate for a late night blowjob a ride across campus and the promise of an omelet?
In conversation with my friends, I learned that bribing a buddy into bed isn't so uncommon. One guy allegedly promised marathon viewings of the much-coveted Family Guy. Another offered Slices delivery. One friend reported that over break, a guy friend of hers called, totally wasted, and begged her to head back to Colgate that night. "If you come, I promise I won't try to make out with you!" he said. This was quite the offer considering this guy would connect to most of the student body if you made a massive Colgate hook-up chart. (Side note: Facebook should invent this feature!)
We also bribe inside the bedroom. Since the nose picking age, "You show me yours and I'll show you mine" has been a bribe for gaining understanding of the opposite sex. Now, at times we perform sexual favors with the expectation that our partner will reciprocate. It's like each orgasm generated is a mini-bribe to return the favor. Exchanging transportation, TV, or food for a night of fun might sound a little too "Pretty Woman," but the foundation of any good relationship involves a similar give and take. We date to get something out of it - friendship, security, a support system, regular sex - but the unspoken understanding is that you also put something in. It's sorta like new combo choices at Wendy's. The fries are interchangeable with the side salad.
And speaking of French fries, here's some food for thought for all you hook-up hopefuls. Bribing with breakfast for the morning after doesn't make you a sleaze ball, although it maybe, just maybe, might increase your odds of getting lucky (one friend of mine admitted she passed up play just to avoid the long, cold walk up the hill at eight in the morning). It provides the opportunity to get to know who just spent the night in your bed, which could turn into something even more lasting. So go ahead, start bribing.
"Come back to my room," he's whispering in her ear, which every Colgate girl knows is code for "let me throw it in you." She responds by glancing up at him with a flirty smile, but doesn't agree. "Come on, I'll drive you home tomorrow," he says. "I'll buy you breakfast."
The offers continue for another few minutes and grow increasingly generous. They never hooked up, but the kitchen-side canoodling resulted in plans for a dinner date. They spent Sunday evening eating salmon at the Tap Room and talking about elementary school, mutual friends, and what they want to be when they grow up.
That a drunken Colgate spit swap ended not with a walk of shame but with a legit date is almost as strange as the notion that, apparently, upstanding Colgate students are now bribing others into sharing their sheets. Is the new going rate for a late night blowjob a ride across campus and the promise of an omelet?
In conversation with my friends, I learned that bribing a buddy into bed isn't so uncommon. One guy allegedly promised marathon viewings of the much-coveted Family Guy. Another offered Slices delivery. One friend reported that over break, a guy friend of hers called, totally wasted, and begged her to head back to Colgate that night. "If you come, I promise I won't try to make out with you!" he said. This was quite the offer considering this guy would connect to most of the student body if you made a massive Colgate hook-up chart. (Side note: Facebook should invent this feature!)
We also bribe inside the bedroom. Since the nose picking age, "You show me yours and I'll show you mine" has been a bribe for gaining understanding of the opposite sex. Now, at times we perform sexual favors with the expectation that our partner will reciprocate. It's like each orgasm generated is a mini-bribe to return the favor. Exchanging transportation, TV, or food for a night of fun might sound a little too "Pretty Woman," but the foundation of any good relationship involves a similar give and take. We date to get something out of it - friendship, security, a support system, regular sex - but the unspoken understanding is that you also put something in. It's sorta like new combo choices at Wendy's. The fries are interchangeable with the side salad.
And speaking of French fries, here's some food for thought for all you hook-up hopefuls. Bribing with breakfast for the morning after doesn't make you a sleaze ball, although it maybe, just maybe, might increase your odds of getting lucky (one friend of mine admitted she passed up play just to avoid the long, cold walk up the hill at eight in the morning). It provides the opportunity to get to know who just spent the night in your bed, which could turn into something even more lasting. So go ahead, start bribing.